Petra* opened her conversation with me by saying “What you wrote to me when you postponed our session…well it really HURT me!” Appalled, I sat wracking my brain thinking about what I had written. I asked her which part of the message had upset her. She thought for a bit and then responded “Well, Petra”. I sat stunned, my mind racing, thinking about what I had sent to her.
To begin with I couldn’t see how those two words had been hurtful, as I was responding to a client who had just admitted that she couldn't have her next session as she'd taken two other holistic therapies back-to-back, and now she wanted her session with me on top of it, but she couldn’t cope with a “heavy session”. Having a client who wants to dictate the terms of “having a lighter session” is never useful & I've always found it better to postpone. Better for the client in the long run. From her description of what she had already received that week, I assessed that it was highly unlikely that she would have sufficient strength in her energy body to cope with any further treatment that week.
We’ve worked together for many months now, so Petra knows me and understands that I have her best interests at heart, so although a bit reluctant to postpone, she agreed to it. Given how she started the session, I considered that her upset may have been borne from the postponement, but upon delving it appeared that she was upset that I had used one word …..“Well”...
Between the postponement and our next Zoom session, Petra had thought about why she had been so upset and realised that when she read the word “Well…” it had triggered an emotional response in her that had taken her back to childhood and a particular teacher who always left her feeling “two inches high” and who undermined her sense of self-worth. Inadvertently, I had triggered this tidal wave of emotion.
In my Energy Medicine coaching & healing sessions, people are always telling me about the words and deeds that have wounded them, that have left them feeling soul-less and empty, needing to protect themselves. To heal these painful wounds, I encourage them to delve deeply into the memories and we are then able to find healing deep within.
Fortunately for both Petra & me, we had an opportunity to delve deeply into the painful memories that had been triggered. Chasing the energy into the past, deep into her memory, the words & actions resurfaced. Like a deep sea Pearl diver, she found the source of pain, & brought it back to the surface of her mind, enabling healing to take place.
As I worked with Petra, Proverbs 12:18 sprang into my mind, reminding me that:
“The words of the reckless, pierce like swords”.
My life is based around how I use words, how I write, how I speak, how I craft with words. Yet what I had typed reopened old wounds.
There was a lesson and a blessing in this chain of events.
The lesson was for me. To remember that words can be very hurtful, and should the need arise again, I would choose to schedule a call rather than send a written message.
The blessing was for Petra. Although she was initially upset, an opportunity was created for her to identify another area of her life where she could choose to heal and close another set of wounds. Although painful at first, silver linings to the dark clouds appeared, and we are both further along our healing journeys, which is always a blessing.
As Holley Gerth reminds us “Yes, words can be weapons. It takes only a careless remark. A bit of gossip. A little less sensitivity in a stress-filled moment. Do we know what we do to our sisters?” [‘Strong, Brave, Loved’ – Holley Gerth (2019)]
I have repeatedly mulled over my conversation with Petra. I have reflected on what I wrote & how I wrote my response. Unlike Holley Gerth’s comment, I wasn’t stressed or out of sorts when I wrote it. I hadn’t thought that I was making a careless remark, and I most certainly wasn’t gossiping…and yet, I still got it wrong, and caused hurt. I am a professional who thinks about my words before using them. I am also human (though that is not meant as an excuse). Hearing how Petra felt about the words I used, has helped me to refine what I do and how I deliver my words.
Let me finish with this thought:
“Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up” ~ Thessalonians 5:11.
We are all guilty at one time or another of saying “the wrong thing”, of hurting each other through our words or actions, of knocking our or someone else’s confidence, or being triggered, or misinterpreting what was said and how it was actually meant. We need to remember that we all assess everything through our own filters.
Sometimes we are triggered by words that are said or written. Sometimes an action, sound or smell trigger us.
The ideal would be that we'd look at our triggering, at the emotional response that has been ellicted and figure out when we last felt like this & when we first felt like this, and why it has occurred now. We'd delve behind our filters (that were created by our upbringing) & find a way to heal ourselves so that we no longer react.
Communication can be tricky particularly when run through our filters, so let’s go forward today, and every day, ensuring that we spend time building each other up.
* The client's name has been changed to 'Petra' to retain confidentiality.
Sending you many blessings.